Editor’s note: This article was submitted for publication Fall 2018. This is a late upload.
By: Wayne Head
In tackling depression and anxiety with my students in the middle school setting, I will talk about the choice of perspective. Our thoughts create our emotions. We can control our thoughts; therefore, we can control our emotions. Often, we perceive emotional upsets as storms that happen to us without any action on our part. It seems like dark clouds and lightning storms move into our lives and cause us problems. Actually, we get tricked by our thoughts and emotions to create these personal storms. We can become our own meteorologists. Today, it will be partly cloudy with a chance of light showers.
Imagine that you are looking out of your room at a beautiful view; a flower strewn meadow leading up to majestic mountains, deer and birds scattered throughout the meadow down by the bubbling spring running the length of the meadow. But, oh no, there is a large circular smear of mud on the outside of the window. Do you focus on the mud and involve yourself in grieving this obstruction to your view? Or, do you look past and through the mud smear to the beautiful scene outside? Or, do you just clean the window? The choice is obviously yours to make, but if we focus on the unfairness of the smear of mud on our beautiful view, we will create our personal storms.
Recently on Facebook, I saw a post that stated, “I am drowning in my own thoughts,” with a graphic of a dust storm surrounding the person. Exactly, you can drown in your own thoughts in a misguided attempt to take control of dynamics in situations over which we have no true control. Or, you can create your own lifesaver to ride through the storms.
A positive perspective demands that we see past the mud smear. That we see the positive in every negative, however small that may seem in the instant. I read a story years ago of a man who always showed a smile to anyone he met. When asked how he was doing, he would say that if things were better, he would have to be twins. Then he fell off of a tall communications tower shattering bones. After a year of medical recovery, he was asked how he was doing, in response he beamed a smile and said if things were better, I would have to be twins. When President Nixon stepped down as President and his Vice President stepped into the role of President, my grandfather expressed some worry. He said, “Wayne, I think we are headed towards hard times with this President Ford.” He thought a minute then turned to me and said, “well, my whole life has been hard times so I guess that I will be alright.”
I am not talking about faking it until you make it. I am talking about adopting a shift in your personal perspective to be able to see the sacred in the smallest section of the mud smeared window. This requires celebrating the small joys, the small impressions, the small successes, that small shaft of light in the darkest of the storms. If your view is focused on the dark, everything that you experience and observe will be tainted with a dark negative lens. You will find yourself looking for hurts, ugliness around you, personal failures and stumbles, and hurtful statements and gestures directed towards yourself. I’m not talking about just experiencing these upsets but actually expecting them and searching for them. This can become a reactive knee jerk reaction that we are not even aware of having or practicing.
So, what do we do about these negative perspectives? We need to practice shining a light on the negative focus. We can do this by shifting our words and thoughts, instead of a “here we go again,” “I knew this would happen,” “I always mess up,” perspective. We can greet upsets with “oh well, I’ll get by,” “I’ve got this,” and “it could be worse,” perspective.
My first supervisor in this school social worker job, Dr. John Collins, told me a story that still sticks with me and continues its relevance today. He said that there was a retired Quaker who lived in a city. One summer his grandson came to visit. Early one morning they went downstairs and out to a newspaper kiosk on the sidewalk. The old man went up to the vendor, selected a paper and said, “good morning, Jim.” Jim responded, “what’s good about it old man, keep your fake sunshine and leave me alone.” The old man paid for the paper and included a quarter tip to Jim. The vendor responded with the statement that he didn’t need the old man’s charity and goodbye. On the elevator ride back up to the apartment, the boy asked his grandfather if this happened every day. Yes, was the reply and the boy asked why he put up with this, why he didn’t seek another venue for his daily paper. The old man replied that he refused to allow anyone else to determine how his day would go and what he would do in that day. He was taking control of the situation by being that constant polite presence to Jim the newspaper vendor.
So, you can change your perspective on mud smeared windows in your life. Get your squeegees out and create a view of the sacred in spite of the rain and thunder.
